Monday, April 13, 2009
Current mood: mellow
Category: Religion and Philosophy
My special surprise,
I wrote this story in many versions...hope you like it :)
A Song For You
The crowd was screaming, their legs pushing against the floor, their arms waving, hands clapping. Lights flickered, as the crowd thumped together to the beat of the drums. Each footstep kept in time with the music, and their yelling voices became my song. Darkness turned into blinding light and the roar of human voices became a blur of noise that echoed the power of human desire. I walked the distance, and the eyes upon me, judging, was a familiar predication. Stepping up to the edge, hands reached out; not to greet but to feel the source of their infatuation. I stepped back and my mind swirled with fear and something else that I couldn’t name, up here so high. The strum of the guitar marked the start, and was drowned out by the union of their voices below. I closed my eyes and put my lips to the steel, and let out the first resounding note that came from deep within my gut. The journey was in full flight.....
******
That’s what brings be back to the road each time. It is the purpose to inspire, provide comfort and express through song, my prayer. There are defining moments that create a musician and define their status. These are the moments when all control becomes a hopeless idea and flaws are scrutinised. It is how the musicians deal with the ‘over focus’ of audiences that saves a performance, and hope. ....
The audience doesn’t know, but I do; the backstage drama of a broken light, missing instruments, drunk musicians. These inhibiters must not be allowed to penetrate our performance or the comforting song.....
******
The drums and guitar mingled together on the stage, and the crowd was silent, apart from the sporadic shouts of individuals. The whirls and swirls of dancing dresses behind me, created electricity in the air that was immediately felt by the auditorium. The room shook as the mass paced themselves along with the dancers, and the energy rose to the climax. My body swayed, and my mind left all thought behind, the only thing controlling me was the trance of music. Words tumbled out of my mouth and into the open crowd waiting hungrily to receive the tune, as if it were a drug that would numb their pain; and mine. The lyrics sent me up, higher, in a bewildered stupor and as the music slowed, brought me down. I felt what the crowd felt, and I knew I had connected with them, as our spirits flew together. We belong together.
******
When I stand on that stage, it’s a time set aside for me to pray, and hope for each of them to find their conviction. However, a wrongly played cord of the guitar, a shirt, underwear or flowers thrown at you, can often waver your concentration in the sanctuary you call the stage. But, you must find the control and add it to your music, so that the prayer and stillness I feel on that stage with my brothers can find the audience too.....
It’s hot. It hurts. I’m dizzy. We’re tired. But we play on. People don’t understand the pressures of each performance. Your record company demands sales, your managers demand interviews, but your audience demands escapism. This is something that cant’ be calculated in the midst of success. ....
******
Music is what brings me back to the world of the living. It envelops me wholly and shows me that there is something that can understand, without hurting. It emphasises each emotion to the brink, and gives the power to connect, and sends messages, pointing to the path to follow. The crowd, with one eye, followed my movements, my voice, and with the other, followed the song lyrics, chanting, as if to awaken the dead. The electric guitar and tambourine joined the celebration, and my arms rose to the air, guiding the crowd, to create unity, create passion. I kept them in a daze, but broke the spell, as the backing singers pulled us through the bridge, the layered voice surrounding us, taking us to another verse again, another journey.....
******
It’s hard to say or write the feeling, of camping in a new city, town and hotel room each night, but I can tell you it’s freeing. Time slows on my adventure, but speeds on the stage. How much I wish that it were reversed, that I could stand forever and capture the shining faces of each person, and pan to watch my band’s hands and hair work to the music that lives in our souls.....
You meet many people while you’re on the road, who find comfort in all the same things you do and it’s strange. You stop at places that you never knew existed. There is something mystical about it. Each home, each street light and gas station seem tweaked, just for you, so that a little pleasure and amusement can come from it, alienating you further, resonating the distance that you have travelled…a little homesick now, a little elated later.....
The stage is a place of safety, but the road is the element that separates your mind from the musical prayers you create. The distraction from the unruly crowd doesn’t compare to the torture my mind provides in the silence on the road. Each town is a slight version of the other; pieces remain from the one before to remind you of where you’ve been and where you are now. It is a constant struggle for sanity.....
******
My hand slipped up the stand, and held the microphone delicately. The journey to ecstasy on stage heightened as egging the audience on through syncopated rhythms which propelled then into metaphysical realms. My foot began to tap, I felt myself egging. They screamed and we sang out till our throats were sore and yelled to the heavens for serenity in our song. My guitar tuned in perfect fifths came to the rescue, like a sirens voice nearly pushing my heart out of my chest, hurting so much to want to follow the music like a sirens voice.. The beat of the drums brought back our senses.....
The chorus resonated through the crowd, and brought us in concert as one. All I could do was watch, thinking of the people around the city who could heard our cries. I stepped back from the microphone to the delight of the audience, and herd their voices rise for my attention. I ran back and pulled the microphone close to me and yelled…and they yelled back. So I yelled again…and they yelled back. Their commitment kept me safe, and urged the music to go on. I complied and pushed the beat in overdrive. We jumped together, On every plane, we journeyed as one. We listened, we dreamed and we jumped together. For a moment in time, I was Orpheus and I ran across the stage, feeling weightless, as I drew my energy from the multitude below me, in distance and in time. ....
******
The road is the loneliest place to be even if there are thousands that surround you. To curb the boredom I read. Ann Brashares, The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood was a book I devoured on the long trips between venues, and it keeps coming back to me, “I remember the turning tides of battle. I went astray but my mind was still a dreamer”. These words begin to remind me of every song I wrote, of the turning tides in my own existence, and to notice when I stray.....
My writing is a therapy that links the hopes of each audience member to an honesty that they feel inside, but often leads to my duplicity. This is why control is helpless on a stage. I sing for them, completely removed from the lyrics because I concentrate on the possible chaos of each concert. Will this light go off unexpectedly? Who will jump onto the stage with us? Will they sing in time?....
******
Feverish feeling flew across my skin, as my voice trembled in fear, because I knew the populace has drifted into their own minds, to escape, just like I had. The drums, guitar, violin, tambourine, dancer and singers alike, rejoiced in union and harmony and feel the beat once more. Our powerful animosity poisoned our position in the escape of the song, so all we could do was cry at the mercy of the harmony. The concluding attempt to leave behind a piece of ourselves, to show we had once been here and seen the purest form of expression, shown in the wails of our singing, as the last line gave sapience and finished the journey in our hearts that we were destined for. The concluding notes were a final attempt to leave behind a piece of ourselves resonating lingering ecstasy.....
******
Each experience adds to the emotional pain I record it in my music. It is the intellectual discourse that I lack, and the picture I desire to draw. I have been asked, ‘if you weren’t a musician what would you be?’, and I ask myself whether I could be a carpenter, or baker or accountant? I know that the answer I give masks the pain of performing. But I also know that nothing can compare to the experience on stage. My conflict lies within. The tortured artist lives on. ....
******
Time slowed, and all the world seemed to hear was the final strain of the guitar. The guitar strummed with me as I closed my eyes and sang, knowing that all the eyes in the room were closed too. We stood together, in those final moments, listening to each other’s pulse. My mind stayed with the flamenco melody and I knew nobody was ready to leave. So I sang again. peace washing over, as the song had done for me, what it had done for thousands more. It let our essence ascend us; to a place we rarely got to go, and rejuvenate in us a fullness, and a will to fight on. The song transported us to a place we love to go. I sang long after the music stoped; to the audience, to myself, to no one and everyone and it didn’t matter because I knew they could hear me. The songs might not have lasted very long, but the effects on me, were ever lasting. ....
Currently reading:In Cold BloodBy Truman CapoteRelease date: 2002-03-05
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Another Blog on the Wall...
Monday, April 06, 2009
Current mood: tired
Wow. Oh wait, have I started any blog like that already? Yeh probably.Anyway this one deserves a 'wow' too. WHY..the imaginary audience asked to themselves?
I haven't written a blog in a while (short space of time), and alot of music-stuff has happened. And I was thinking about this, but I recon despite MySpace being a universal/non-specific medium for experession, I can't help but think MUSIC is totally favoured.
Um.. so since the last blog (I checked) I have seen...Coldplay, The Fray, Snow Patrol and Augie March. Pahhhh!!
Yeh, no need to further any of that..its all pretty self explanitory :p And another thing. A REALLY great band called Civil Twilight entered my sphere of beauty. The song 'quite in my town' is playing now (and I plan to put in on repeat)..got it... and THIS song makes you feel embaressed that you haven't heard of them before. Also check out ENATION..another OTH band..as most of the awsome music I advocate is (hehe).
Um..still waiting for the Rolling Stone Mag to appear at my house (I subscribed) and I'm getting relatively impatient.
School is fab, I actually finshed an essay on Japanese Expanionism btw 1931-41 for Int'l Rels due for today..and I started basically yesterday at about 5 or 6pm. So I was almost finished but I had to skip the morning lecture and finish it.. but I did, so thats pretty rad.
Wow (there's that word again), I'm having quite a non-chalant, talk-about-mundane type-of blog huh? Oh well, I guess its that sorta day.
Looking forward to Easter (or should I say Pesach :] ) break..to do another piece of work, and work, and see if I can research about a volunteer/internship in the UN embassy or World Bank headquaters ...you know..get the foot in the door (hee!)
A bit ambitious, but you only get one chance at life...and its the 5:25 mark of Civil Twilights song, so you can't really argue with something like that. Haha. (made myself life..and that's half the battle isn't it?! [so says Craig Ferguson]).
Ok ..lets end it, maybe another time, I can 'ambitiously' attempt to emulate the virtuous Jim Beaver's blog style.... at least the TITLE of my blog is completly perfect. (um...if i may say so myself..lol).
And encase anyone was wondering...I get alot of music from the One Tree Hill Connection Podcast - even though I find Denise to be a self-congratulating, non-deserving, mildly-boring interviewer..she does help get the information and interviews of artist that need to be found, but haven't been discovered because making a headway on my 11 pg list of 'songs-to-get' is a daunting task, AND Limewire can be quite uncooperative when i do try.
p.s I'm working on a nice suprise for next blog...
Ok guys, Save the tah-tahs
and no goodbyes
Love Shailee
Currently listening:World in FlightBy EnationRelease date: 2008-10-21
Current mood: tired
Wow. Oh wait, have I started any blog like that already? Yeh probably.Anyway this one deserves a 'wow' too. WHY..the imaginary audience asked to themselves?
I haven't written a blog in a while (short space of time), and alot of music-stuff has happened. And I was thinking about this, but I recon despite MySpace being a universal/non-specific medium for experession, I can't help but think MUSIC is totally favoured.
Um.. so since the last blog (I checked) I have seen...Coldplay, The Fray, Snow Patrol and Augie March. Pahhhh!!
Yeh, no need to further any of that..its all pretty self explanitory :p And another thing. A REALLY great band called Civil Twilight entered my sphere of beauty. The song 'quite in my town' is playing now (and I plan to put in on repeat)..got it... and THIS song makes you feel embaressed that you haven't heard of them before. Also check out ENATION..another OTH band..as most of the awsome music I advocate is (hehe).
Um..still waiting for the Rolling Stone Mag to appear at my house (I subscribed) and I'm getting relatively impatient.
School is fab, I actually finshed an essay on Japanese Expanionism btw 1931-41 for Int'l Rels due for today..and I started basically yesterday at about 5 or 6pm. So I was almost finished but I had to skip the morning lecture and finish it.. but I did, so thats pretty rad.
Wow (there's that word again), I'm having quite a non-chalant, talk-about-mundane type-of blog huh? Oh well, I guess its that sorta day.
Looking forward to Easter (or should I say Pesach :] ) break..to do another piece of work, and work, and see if I can research about a volunteer/internship in the UN embassy or World Bank headquaters ...you know..get the foot in the door (hee!)
A bit ambitious, but you only get one chance at life...and its the 5:25 mark of Civil Twilights song, so you can't really argue with something like that. Haha. (made myself life..and that's half the battle isn't it?! [so says Craig Ferguson]).
Ok ..lets end it, maybe another time, I can 'ambitiously' attempt to emulate the virtuous Jim Beaver's blog style.... at least the TITLE of my blog is completly perfect. (um...if i may say so myself..lol).
And encase anyone was wondering...I get alot of music from the One Tree Hill Connection Podcast - even though I find Denise to be a self-congratulating, non-deserving, mildly-boring interviewer..she does help get the information and interviews of artist that need to be found, but haven't been discovered because making a headway on my 11 pg list of 'songs-to-get' is a daunting task, AND Limewire can be quite uncooperative when i do try.
p.s I'm working on a nice suprise for next blog...
Ok guys, Save the tah-tahs
and no goodbyes
Love Shailee
Currently listening:World in FlightBy EnationRelease date: 2008-10-21
Blog 10
Monday, March 09, 2009
Current mood: curious
Category: Blogging
Blogging is the 'category' today because my first day at uni spelt that out very clearly. Out of 3 accesable components in my 'Media, Culture and Everyday Life' blogging is essential. I must read a section of the text provided, and give my views. REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING?!!
This was closely followed with a girl, who I just happened to sit down next to (out of 400 people) who just happened to be an admirer of the Jewish people. Her name is Ellen and she is awsome. After a polite introduction, I mentioned by school and her face lit up. "Are you Jewish?" she asked. I replied yes, and she responsed saying "I love Jews! I want to marry Jewish and raise my kids Jewish...". For obvious reasons we got along quite well.
We spent some time in the uni bar, having coffee and chatting about uni, family, and I told her about some experiences in Israel. When she asked about the country, it wasn't the usual 'is it scary', 'did you feel unsafe' e.c.t, but rather such a refreshing idea, focusing her questions about the culture. I told that when you enter a place that is loved so much by the people within it, the air smell different, and each place, ditch in the road, hills and street corner crackles with the magic of history.
Later I found myself in another lecture (Marketing Fundamentals) - lucky it was your basic Yr12 stuff - so no dramas - and our lecturer Muhammad (switching gears here...!) was..really FUNNY. He told us jokes about his marriage, asked questions about people's boyfriend and girlfriends, told us about his exersize routine (walking up and down the isles in the lecture...and warned us not to be afraid), told us to ask him to repeat something if his accent is to strong (he's from Pakistan) and many more stories about cheap bed sheeps and human-hair carpets.
This day was really great. I got to read some more wonderful blogs from people at Southern Gothic (blogspot.com), I got the opportunity to fight back against the antisematic Social Activists in my uni, who perpetuate descrimination - my 'Aujus' exec leader sent the team an email with thoughts to appose the idea of a Palestinian Support Week' in the uni. And after all that I have meeting, parties, friends and good classes to look forward to in the coming week.
Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone is having a FAB Purim!
p.s Just wait till I start blogging about assessments and work loads!
p.s.s I do want to be more specific sometimes when I mention people and things, I do, but for security reason, I'd like to keep some things slightly confidential. Maybe when I become a better writer, I will find a way to increase the details without sacrificing saftey.
p.s.s.s Happy 10th BLOG! Love Shailee.
Currently reading:Diplomacy (A Touchstone book)By Henry Kissinger
Current mood: curious
Category: Blogging
Blogging is the 'category' today because my first day at uni spelt that out very clearly. Out of 3 accesable components in my 'Media, Culture and Everyday Life' blogging is essential. I must read a section of the text provided, and give my views. REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING?!!
This was closely followed with a girl, who I just happened to sit down next to (out of 400 people) who just happened to be an admirer of the Jewish people. Her name is Ellen and she is awsome. After a polite introduction, I mentioned by school and her face lit up. "Are you Jewish?" she asked. I replied yes, and she responsed saying "I love Jews! I want to marry Jewish and raise my kids Jewish...". For obvious reasons we got along quite well.
We spent some time in the uni bar, having coffee and chatting about uni, family, and I told her about some experiences in Israel. When she asked about the country, it wasn't the usual 'is it scary', 'did you feel unsafe' e.c.t, but rather such a refreshing idea, focusing her questions about the culture. I told that when you enter a place that is loved so much by the people within it, the air smell different, and each place, ditch in the road, hills and street corner crackles with the magic of history.
Later I found myself in another lecture (Marketing Fundamentals) - lucky it was your basic Yr12 stuff - so no dramas - and our lecturer Muhammad (switching gears here...!) was..really FUNNY. He told us jokes about his marriage, asked questions about people's boyfriend and girlfriends, told us about his exersize routine (walking up and down the isles in the lecture...and warned us not to be afraid), told us to ask him to repeat something if his accent is to strong (he's from Pakistan) and many more stories about cheap bed sheeps and human-hair carpets.
This day was really great. I got to read some more wonderful blogs from people at Southern Gothic (blogspot.com), I got the opportunity to fight back against the antisematic Social Activists in my uni, who perpetuate descrimination - my 'Aujus' exec leader sent the team an email with thoughts to appose the idea of a Palestinian Support Week' in the uni. And after all that I have meeting, parties, friends and good classes to look forward to in the coming week.
Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone is having a FAB Purim!
p.s Just wait till I start blogging about assessments and work loads!
p.s.s I do want to be more specific sometimes when I mention people and things, I do, but for security reason, I'd like to keep some things slightly confidential. Maybe when I become a better writer, I will find a way to increase the details without sacrificing saftey.
p.s.s.s Happy 10th BLOG! Love Shailee.
Currently reading:Diplomacy (A Touchstone book)By Henry Kissinger
Middle of the Day on a FriDay...
Friday, March 06, 2009
Current mood: okay
Category: Life
Hey, feeling pretty good.So what's on my mind? Well uni is starting on Mon (woo!) and I am now an general executive member in Aujus, (Jewish community in UNSW) as well as a 'Young Liberal' member. Both these arena's are going to allow me to express my concerns about issues dear to my heart. Not just the topical issues that surround youth and our education, but also many things that preside in our surroundings such as the environment and governmental policies. I look forward to learning so much about the place I call home and its relation in the world. It's an unsettling but vital feeling to know that Australia is just one place with one way of doing things. Traveling allows you to experience other cultures and government systems. As a 'new' member in the workforce and a person of growing intellect and understanding of the world, it makes me most happiest to know I can make a decision outside of my peripheral surroundings of family and friends, to decide where I want to live, study, work e.c.t. Moreover Aujus is so important to me because I can once again, learn so much about advocacy, appreciating other people's views on my 'people', and learning how to make the most of my individualism and be proud of who I am.
Lastly I'd like to step aside for just a moment, and be a little silly. A quick anonymous shout out to Jim Beaver, who once AGAIN delivers the best god-damn blogs ever. Unlike a certain other blogger that I unwillingly read, (...Denise Giddien on 'blogspot'...) he's the kind of guy that really IS full of wisdom that many people like me, wait hungrily to receive each time he kindly writes another thought for us. While darling Denise seems to be grappling for any kind of recognition of her greatness, by continuing to spew her monotonous preachings about percevirence and faith...uchh.
OK, final sane thought for the blog and summing it all up: I feel that starting uni I have no fears about meeting people and enjoying all that the new social environment has to offer. Between Aujus, Liberals, my 'Mentoring' group, and even a 'out-of-the-blue' reunion from an old friend (more about that later..), things are looking really great.I can't wait to get a hold on my studies, work with vigor and get as much as I can out of myself, improving my speech and confidence as a person who really does, have something great to say.
p.s. - Coldplay in 8 days!Take Care,Lots of love, light and peace,Shazz
Currently listening:Viva La VidaBy ColdplayRelease date: 2008-06-17
Current mood: okay
Category: Life
Hey, feeling pretty good.So what's on my mind? Well uni is starting on Mon (woo!) and I am now an general executive member in Aujus, (Jewish community in UNSW) as well as a 'Young Liberal' member. Both these arena's are going to allow me to express my concerns about issues dear to my heart. Not just the topical issues that surround youth and our education, but also many things that preside in our surroundings such as the environment and governmental policies. I look forward to learning so much about the place I call home and its relation in the world. It's an unsettling but vital feeling to know that Australia is just one place with one way of doing things. Traveling allows you to experience other cultures and government systems. As a 'new' member in the workforce and a person of growing intellect and understanding of the world, it makes me most happiest to know I can make a decision outside of my peripheral surroundings of family and friends, to decide where I want to live, study, work e.c.t. Moreover Aujus is so important to me because I can once again, learn so much about advocacy, appreciating other people's views on my 'people', and learning how to make the most of my individualism and be proud of who I am.
Lastly I'd like to step aside for just a moment, and be a little silly. A quick anonymous shout out to Jim Beaver, who once AGAIN delivers the best god-damn blogs ever. Unlike a certain other blogger that I unwillingly read, (...Denise Giddien on 'blogspot'...) he's the kind of guy that really IS full of wisdom that many people like me, wait hungrily to receive each time he kindly writes another thought for us. While darling Denise seems to be grappling for any kind of recognition of her greatness, by continuing to spew her monotonous preachings about percevirence and faith...uchh.
OK, final sane thought for the blog and summing it all up: I feel that starting uni I have no fears about meeting people and enjoying all that the new social environment has to offer. Between Aujus, Liberals, my 'Mentoring' group, and even a 'out-of-the-blue' reunion from an old friend (more about that later..), things are looking really great.I can't wait to get a hold on my studies, work with vigor and get as much as I can out of myself, improving my speech and confidence as a person who really does, have something great to say.
p.s. - Coldplay in 8 days!Take Care,Lots of love, light and peace,Shazz
Currently listening:Viva La VidaBy ColdplayRelease date: 2008-06-17
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