Blog 1

Saturday, November 29, 2008
Blog 1 Current mood: angsty Category: Life

Dear Readers!

Things are kind of awkward, as usual. In this limbo, of what may be perceivedas an overly-emotion-typical-teen-angsty kind of moment I feel that there isn't enough work, enough music, or even enough lists [...making lists calms me...just go with it;)] that can make me feel at ease with the fuss of being related to my parents. I know I 'may' regret starting my first blog in this tone, but it's how I feel, and who knows where it will end up.

I guess this is where 'writing' kicks in. Crazy. Writing that sentence actually made me calmer. Honestly comes from within, and nothing creates a stillness like attributing the exact source of your unhappiness (or happiness) in order to move forward. Thats what writing does. It forces you to organise your thoughts logically and rationally.

Do you ever feel like ...people aren't on your side? The ones that are suppose to be. Or that they are picking a fight because, What, they're ..bored?! I don't know. Logic escapes me when people (dad) come into your room and become condescending about what you like or disprove your way if its not thiers. This all sounds spoilt and unrespectful, and maybe it is. But people are layered and maybe, just maybe they are putting thier shit and issues on you. I LOVE both my parents even in the heat of my hurt and confusion, but all I want is to understand.

They cant comunicate in the perfect way I wish they could. So I turn the tables and hope that I can communicate to them.
STOP ASSUMING.
STOP ORDERING.
STOP LECTURING.

What's left? To make MySelf happi. Period. What did I do today to give meaning and to try and understand and grow as a person? Well...

Today I went to work, made some money, got a reward (..for my efforts!) and accomplished something for my career. I visited my grandma in the nursing home and helped mum in the kitchen. Random moments filled my day, forcing compatability and patience that changed my mood through active changes in the day.

Everyone reading, firstly sorry if this is 'deep' and faltering, and plain blah, I promise that many more will be filled with whimsical stories, jokes and lessons learnt, but for today, my introduction is that of a layered and uncertain character with doubts, emotions and ... non-logic at times.Be well, take care and look after yourself;Light, Love and Peace...Shailee

Currently listening:King of the Delta BluesBy Robert JohnsonRelease date: 1997-10-07